A New Sort of Monday

I'm having trouble finding closure to String of Pearls. Maybe it's b/c I don't need any. It very well might be that. Normally I find closure through junk food (check) and a well of sentimentality for the past x amount of time and the people I spent it with. That latter is the one I'm having trouble crossing off. We didn't have a cast party, which just mirrors the whole process for us as actors. We were never really given the opportunities to bond. (And I think we would have been an even tighter group given the chance.) I get the sense that the director has done this so long at this point she doesn't really care about that outside stuff. (Or maybe she just didn't feel it with this particular group of people.)

I also know that I'm a mind jumper. I jump from project to project. It took a lot of self control to not emotionally invest in the next thing before this thing was over. And now that it is, my brain is already strategizing how to get shit done.

But that's why I need the closure. Generally with closure I have the sadness, but I also have this lifting sensation. This lightness that swells and I feel I can accomplish anything. I don't have that this time. I don't have the relief. And maybe that's b/c after the Saturday show my parents told me my paternal Grandmother might be dying, and I'm now taking care of their pets while they head south. Maybe that's why I don't have the lightness. When I really analyze it, it feels unconnected somehow, but maybe I'm not *that* self aware.

I don't know. But I do know that before I completely cross it off, before I completely move on to the next thing, I need to assess the experience in its entirety, and make notes of what I learned for next time. (May there be a next time :)