Happiness is this kind of weekend

For the first time in my life, I feel like I actually directed. The act of directing. I've never felt that before, and it was only possible b/c I had a crew. I had people I felt comfortable relying on. We all knew our jobs and so when something particular needed to be done within a certain realm, whosever it was just took it on w/o question b/c they knew it fell into their domain.

I use to be afriad to ask people to do a very particular job. I was worried I'd hurt feelings or come across as self important. ("Why don't you just do that yourself Kelly? Or do you think you're too important to remember what time this shot is suppose to be finished?!") Now I realize that in a groupwhere everyone has a clear line of their job, a day can run totally smoothly. Amazing. I never felt the need to apologize or explain. Everyone just worked. Problem solved. They picked up a task w/o question as soon as they realized it fell within their role. Each and every one of them. Amazing.



So here's what I also learned: I am new to this. I am truly starting out. I don't think well on the spot in terms of visual problem solving. I can solve problems all over the place in producer like roles but not the visual director decisions. How to shoot coverage of a shot to tell a continuous story. I think part of why this weekend went so well for me was b/c we did the test shoot. I already had the whole thing, in real terms, laid out in my mind and had confidence that it worked. The few times we had to improvise on a shot, and while I was far better than I have been, I am still not great. Still not good, even. If I want to direct I have to learn to be fluid in those decisions. I want to be able to think beyond basic coverage and move into the deeper meaning of what a shot can convey. I want to know how far I can let the actors play before I have to bring them back in so things fit into the whole.

I also have a lot to learn about how to work with actors. I'm probably with actors where I use to be with crew. I don't want to cross certain lines with them. I found some work arounds in some cases but I don't actually know yet how to really work with them. I gave way too many line reads- or the physical and emotioal equivilent for our silent film.

I need to work more with actors prior to shooting. I can tell that I will get to the point where I know my own strengths as a director and know what I have to offer. Right now I don't actually have much to offer and so I feel like I can't ask for a lot in return. This isn't putting myself down, it's just knowing that as I get better, I will gain a confidence to ask for something from people b/c I know I can deliver something back to them. And I'm not talking a product, but an experience and an ability to communicate as a director to an actor.

This is what I would have done differently if I hadn't been terrified of finding actors and then interacting with them once they signed on. I would have interviewed them face to face. It would have been the audition. I would have asked them what they know about love and what kind of relationships they've been in. What their role in the relationship is. This is getting personal but the short is about love. It's about a relationship. What do they feel about relationships? I think I would have learned a lot about the actors.

I would also take into consideration how I thought the actors would be *together.* I really did not think about this as much as I could have. Perhaps should have. I was worried about them getting along off screen but I should have taken whatever was causing that instinct and consider what that'd mean for them on screen. They were both quite good. I should say that right away so there's no confusion. But I think I could have paired more consciously. Maybe it still would have been those exact two. I'm just saying that I should consider chemistry next time.

Rewriting. Driving home tonight I realized that I should have changed the ending to fit our actress better. The longer I consider this as even an option, I think I'll see ways I could have rewritten for our actor, too. Nothing major, just a slight change of tone. Up until today, I saw these characters as a very particular way. Our actor and actress did not fit any of those ways. But they each immediately brought something new and different to their characters, and I could have probably figured that out ahead of time with thirty minutes of run through a week before shooting. At that point, if I didn't think I could get what I had originally envisioned out of them (maybe b/c their look was different or how they delivered a particular expression) I should have played into that and reconfigured it to draw out their strengths and the unique qualities they could bring into their characters. As a micro manager I forget sometimes that film is an organic process. Instead of fighting it, I should give into it enough to see where it goes. It'll probably end up being a better product.

Did I mention yet hat I had sort of an incredibly smooth crew?