Z Vision

A friend recently reminded me of the term, "Sunday Blues." Maybe last night was just that. Sunday. Your week is about to begin.

But then I went on a jog (Oooo.K., a walk) with Z, and I talked to him about the goals list. The one that got me most frustrated was the $1500 toward school loans. And he's really excellent at pointing out what should be the obvious, but totally isn't until it's just stated. The conversation went like this:
"I feel like all my money should go to wedding stuff and I'm not sure about the money goals."
"Well what are they?"
"One is paying $1500 to loans."
"And you don't think you can do that."
"Well right now I pay $100 a month and that's great but I don't feel like I can do a whole lot more."
"Does the $100 a month count toward the $1500?"
"Yeah."
"Then you'll have $1200 by February. That's only $300 below your goal. You could use your Christmas bonus easily for this."
Suddenly the math made sense. "Or like $50 extra a few months."
"You can totally meet that one."

Today my Mom slapped down a chunk of change for when I house sat a few months back. Z pointed at it and said, "This could go to that $1500."

And wallah. I have no idea where I got this idea that I couldn't meet the $1500 goal. Because I can. Easily.

Sometimes he makes things so incredibly clear.

A Drop in the Bucket

I've been thinking a lot lately about money. When everyone looks around to see who's shifting in their seats after statistics like, "47 percent of American workers live paycheck to paycheck," I'm shifting. Somehow I didn't think the face of that statistic would look like, well, me.

For the past few years I've come to a screeching close call every paycheck. First it was part of paying off credit cards and store cards and just plain bad spending habits. (I'm looking at YOU Borders.) But then I paid off the credit card. I paid off the ill gotten store cards. And then, the biggest win of all, I got food poisoning. Three days of eating little to nothing cured me of my caffeine addiction and the $5 price tag of the lattes I so loved. It only took a month and I felt the monetary impact of those 72 hours. And for the first time last pay cycle I had a beautiful positive balance greeting me as my next pay check was deposited. Ching! I had more than enough money saved for my April vacation. Ching. And I was ahead on paying my portion of the rent. Ching! Ching!

But then something happened. One misstep on a tax form and I find myself owing a lot of money. It aligns perfectly with the semi-annual car insurance bill and the pain I've ignored for way too long in my back molar. And as I was falling asleep last night I felt the pressure again that is money. The feeling of never being able to get ahead. I had in my mind this idea of how it would be as a grown up. One of those ideas was that money would not be an issue because I'd have a grown up job. But that was as naive as thinking my man would ride up on a horse or that happily ever after wouldn't come with long awkward conversations about sex. I have a childhood filled with parental finance worries. I don't know how I ever constructed this idea of monetary bliss.

But the truth is I'm not that statistic.

One in four workers don't save anything. About a third of those that do put aside less than $100. Another third do not participate in any sort of 401k, IRA or retirement plan.

I put $200 a month into an IRA. We'll just ignore that that is losing game right now but still. That in and of itself means I'm outside of many statistics. And I don't have a mortgage. I don't have children. I am fortunate enough to be able to say I don't have credit card debt. And while today I feel like I will never gain control of my finances, I will. I need to buck it up, count myself warned and stay the hell away from Starbucks.