Half Adult

I am threatened by the doctor's office. Apparently. Or maybe it's the unknown. Probably. (Control issues, what?) I know if I walked into my dentist's and I didn't have some piece of paper, I'd probably be comfortable enough with the system to say, "I'll get it for you," and be pretty sure I'm safe from tar and feathering.

Not so with my (new) doctor's. I haven't seen an official doctor in five years. My experience with the medical community in the interim has been less than pleasant. (With the exception of Z's parents. Who are medicals. And who are great.)


I walk in and am met by a row of windows. Doctors' names are on plaques. But not my doctor's name. I wait. Tell them I'm hear to see doctor X and woman number one points me around a corner and says something like, "Well you'll need to check in with her receptionist." You mean the one without an obvious plaque around a CORNER?

Answer yes. And then the fun began. I don't have a health card. *Gasp* I know. I store my children in the car on hot sunny days too. I bring 16 items into the 15 items or less line. I carry a newspaper and read it (cover to cover) while specifically using the only wheelchair accessible restroom in a grocery store.

I mean, I have one. Someone probably gave me one at some point but no, I don't have it on me. I have a print out of my important numbers. Group and policy. And I can then hand it to you but only after taking 20 seconds to carefully tear it out of the of the paper to which I've printed it b/c if I just handed you the paper you'd see that I've also written down "Hypochondriac" and "How do I stop something if it's psychosomatic" to ask the doctor later.

But apparently those numbers do no good. And I'm asked questions like when the policy began. I don't know. And what's the specific name of the type of policy? I don't know. What I also don't know is how those numbers I did write down are useful at all if they don't automoatically tell you all of this information when you put it into your computer.

It's sort of like each of us have a unique social security number but then we still have to fill out our name and date of birth. Shouldn't that just come with the number?

Right. Clearly it's a systems issue. The personal policy number would tell her all of this information but then she'd have to look it up. I get that actually. I'm just making a few steps easier and less annoying. But it still confounds me how what seemed important wasn't the information on the card, but the card itself. The card itself was what was holy.

Tar and feathering.

The rest of the appointment was pretty good. I'm having blood work b/c it's been so long since I went to the doctor. My cholesterol seems fine. I'm about 4.5 pounds over weight, which is something I already know. Blood work will tell about blood sugar issues. And I'll start taking a calcium and vitamin D pill.

Score. And a bigger score? I now have a doctor. I'm totally adult. Aaaand I showed it today by calling my Dad from the doctor's parking lot at 8am half crying asking frantically about my insurance card. So maybe next visit I'll become an adult. Because, apparently, it takes a long time to get the child out of us. A long time.