Old Letters

Occasionally I find letters from when I was a teenager. I'm never quite sure how to respond to them because on the one hand, they are kind of precious. On the other hand..well, sometimes I forget that I had a few years of being really painfully awkward. They help me, however, to realize how far I've come. None of us are happy all the time. Most of us fight the ups and downs of our chemistry and of life. But oh God. We are all so much better than when we were 16. I sometimes look at 16 year olds and wish I could go back and change some things. Then I find a letter from when I really was 16, 18, etc and oh God. I would give up none of what I have now for that. That was nothing but heartbreak and discomfort. I may tell myself to wear more sunscreen and get off soda, but you know. Mostly I'd just give that girl a hug and let her fight the fights she'd have to take on alone.  And then I'd go back to the life I have now. The self understanding I have now. The guy who cooks me pizza. The friends who help me dream. That girl will get here. And until then I will put her letters some place safe so that I can happen upon them another night of cleaning.