Tonight's Lessons

I need to learn to stay quiet. I'm an over-explainer...most especially in new groups where I'm still uncomfortable and unsure of my place. One of my inner voices needs to have the sole job of bringing down the hatchet when I'm veering into, "too much information" territory. Big or small. GAH.

So today I finally looked at our rehearsal schedule and noticed that in two weeks Monday, we are suppose to be off book. Really? Really truly? B/c that's h i l a r i o u s. HILARIOUS. I have so much to learn in such a short time. Bring on the nightmares!


Tonight, however, I think I had a breakthrough. Or maybe not quite but almost. All of my characters are rotating around this wheel of traits, and so far they've all shifted at least one spot since we auditioned. I assumed Abby would be this fully confident, kind of a bitch character. But I've shifted her into this woman who is uncomfortable in her own skin. And I love it. While I miss kind of playing the bitch, I like that her mother's death can bring her freedom instead of being some sort of retribution. She's shy and not sure about her actions. (Do you like how I'm just saying things like I'm assuming you know the play? Ha!)

In other themes of the ridiculous: I'm such an insecure actor. I think most all actors are. I don't need peoples' approval of my crafts, so why do I need it here? I'm a walking stereotype, and I just have to laugh at myself. I felt like I should ask our director tonight if she wanted to know before hand if we were going to try something new. But I didn't. Then when we finished I went up to her and told her that I had been trying something new. She said she liked it. I told my desire to say something more to shut up and nodded and then walked away. I think I said, "OK, good. I just wanted to check in." Jesus. Get a spine. An actor's spine. Something. (Also drink more water.)

So yeah. I'm on my way to figuring out one character. One character of 5. Off book in 2 weeks? Ha. Hahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAH.

*splat.*

Good night ya'll.