This Plus That Actually Equals Zero

Two posts in one day, right?

I take notes during my weekly work meeting. After the meeting I type them up in a Google doc and send them off to people. I've set the privacy settings so that they don't even have to sign in to use. But after yesterday's meeting I get an email from my Mom. It reads:

"I can't make this work but for now it's okay."

I looked at the note for a few minutes trying to figure out why I was confused. Then I realized that the note didn't directly call for an action. If it was asking for help, it needed to ask for it. But she wasn't really asking for help. More like she was saying, "I might need help later." It was prepping me for a later help request.


I do this all the time, and it drives a certain someone a bit crazy. It doesn't have a name so it was impossible for the first months for Z to even explain what it was I was doing. But it's this thing I've seen people do. And this is one of the reasons I'm lucky to work so closely with my parents because I can see my traits in the field. I can see them in these versions of myself and then pin point them within me.

This falls into the category of A's intent is different than B's perception. Person A is in this communication feels different leaving the person saying it than it feels to the person receiving it. To the person saying it it's just saying, "This isn't working but it's not to worry about." It's them actually being helpful in a way b/c they are letting person B know that there isn't a problem. But b/c Person B didn't know about the problem, by saying there is no problem, it creates a problem. Person B now has to figure out what the hell to do with the poorly communicated double meaning possible trap sentence.

So in my case I am just ignoring the non-problem until I'm directly asked for help, which I won't be. So next week when I ask Mom if she finished everything on her list she'll reply, "I couldn't open it. I told you that." I know she'll say this b/c at one point I would have said this.