Light Box Lessons

Quick Update:

We are down to four, count 'em FOUR, performances of Chicago. Thursday's performance will be followed by 45 minutes of karaoke. Kind of a cool idea. I think I might be running the machine. At least that will keep me far (far far) from the microphone. *Shudder*

Members of the cast are slowly getting sick. One of the character's voice is really hurting and now she has a full on stuffy head. She's singing through it and doing a pretty incredible job. What stress.

I'm learning a few things watching the show. I think I'll be a better performer for it.

1. Never break character. I've managed to do pretty well with this one so far but that goal has been strongly reinforced. Both of the leads drop character if something goes amiss. For one it's if she messes up dancing. For the other it's if she messes up singing. For the latter she's breaking character the farther we are in the run. Being sick obviously doesn't help. Also the other secondary characters tend to break if something small happens. It may not feel obvious to them on stage but to the audience it's like a dozen neon arrows pointing down on them and flashing. I knew it drew attention but I never realized how much attention.

2. Make decisions and follow them. Half-assed or confused translates oddly on stage. I've heard directors say this before, make a choice and commit to it, and I've understood it in terms of character but only in terms of character. A few of the actresses, ones that I know aren't as experienced on stage, tend to wander. If they have long speeches, they wander. If they have a solo, they wander. If they are just standing on stage in a duet, they wander. I still have this problem too. Seeing other people do it may cure me of it. As a novice, standing still feels funny. But the audience doesn't register, "Oh that's funny. She's standing still." To them it seems like nothing. It draws no attention at all and that's the whole point. It makes you transparent. Wandering around on the other hand begins to seem strange. I start to ask myself, "Where is she going?"

Wandering does have a place. If a character is agitated or confused or bored or some emotion that should translate into this particular type of movement then it's warranted. Otherwise, it's just bad technique. And like I said, a bad habit I'm still breaking.

3. Crew is not cast and is not part of the the family. Crewing is a strange beast because you come onto the scene after the actors have been working together for months. There is a bond and it feels strange to be working as part of the team but not the family. And that's OK. That's how it should be. I don't feel strange at all that I won't attend the cast party. Hopefully though, I will hang out with a few of the other crew members I've come to know over the weeks. I'm sure the actors are super nice too but the crew has been awesome. It's been great to spend the time with them.

4. Act with and through tech glitches. No one glitch ruins a show. It's how actors deal with those. Tech is trying to do the best they can. They are not asleep at the wheel. If something is going on they will fix it. Keep going. Pretend nothing is happening and continue forth.

Today is our first night off in quite awhile. I worked this weekend so that I could mozy on north in attempts to find travel clothes for my winter-fattened frame. (No, thank YOU holidays :) It'll be nice to have time to think, just think for awhile on the road. I haven't had time to drift in my head for awhile, and I think I'm ready for it.

Year 28 Goals Reviewed (month 1)

It's been only a little over a month since my birthday. It feels as if more time has passed. Am I sure I'm not a month off? This is still March, right?

I'll have to trust that it is still indeed March and take a look at the goals a little over a month out.

1. Pay $1500 in school loans- I'm waaaaay behind on this and kind of forgot about it. I suppose that's why I'm trying to check in once a month.

2. Create at least $500 cushion in bank account
Right now I have it but it's more like savings for the NYC trip.

3. Attain 2 octave singing scale
Picture me driving down the road with a foot and a half long pink Disney Princess electronic melody keyboard next me testing my range. The thing is a mound of Disney pink and yellow with gobs of swirls and flowers. But it cost under 20 bucks and I can keep it at work to practice voice. AND I proved on the way to the gym that I can sing 3 Fs. Low.Med.High. I can vocalize words on the low F. Not so sure if I could sing words on the high F but I'll continue to work on this.

4. Audition for a musical - Cross this baby off!

5. Finish writing 1 song with accompaniment. (Guitar and/or piano)- Have been really lax on this. Haven't even been thinking about writing music. I have, however, been thinking I'd love to learn to play Jazz on the piano. How cool would it be to be able to accompany yourself while singing. (That might be a rhetorical question in that I can't sing on key in front of people. *cough*)

6. Send 5 birthday cards- ON TIME
Can I count my Dad's? I didn't send it to him but he got it by his birthday. This so far has been the best of the bunch. I normally make a ton of cards every year but rarely do I focus on birthdays, which is a really (REALLY) fun theme. And really though this has encouraged me to not just make them but actually send them. That is the real kicker most times. THAT is where I get hung up. Yay little number 6.

7. Send cards for one holiday- ON TIME- Was going to be Easter but that was overly optimistic. I might start finishing Halloween cards this summer and have them ready for fall.

8. Pursue art/design/craft/collage: figure out specifics and how to gauge- Haven't yet considered how to guage.

9. Get through 5 drafts of 3 shorts total (includes at least 3 people writing comments on each draft.)- I've got initial drafts for the first two and nothing for the third. When I hit draft 2 I might start sending them out for critiques. Prepare yourselves.

10. Learn Flash
I'm on Chapter 3 or something of the book. I'm still maneuvering basic principles but this program is going to be great for me.

11. Design and do photoshoot.- Not even considering this yet, although I've warned my model(s) and began gathering inspiration from random stuff on the web.

12. Direct music video.- No progress. That's fine

13. Shoot a short. Well if I get my act together on #9 we can progress here. Have, at least, established three minis for this summer to shoot.


14. Write, create, shoot, edit super short stop motion- Barney is half built and waiting on my shelf. Have a ton to do to prep for this but it's where it needs to be on the back burner until #16 is the hell out of the way.

15. write, shoot, edit 1 CCP review for YouTube. - I've got a quarter of this entire process finished. I watched the video and did artwork. This is on backburner until #16 and Chicago are over.

16. Edit CCP vid under craftcat brand. I'm working on it and there is a SERIOUS deadline looming. I'll be so happy when this is finished.

17. Learn to cook 5 vegan entrees. I LOVE CHEESE!

18. No bed piles. So far so mostly good. I've even had a clean night stand for 2 days. Tonight I'll clean off the receits that have started to gather there and will be set to go.

19. Learn congressional committee chairs and cabinet members. I hate politics. I keep forgetting I want to do this. Hmmm....

20. Take on an entrepreneurial project. (I have a super simple one in mind but not ready to go into details.) Not even in stage 1 yet.

21. Call/write my Grandmother once a month. Yep. I've done well with this thus far. Must keep it going.

22. Thank You cards for birthday presents. - GAH!

23. 200 lines of calligraphy a day (this isn't much considering a lowercase "a" has 3.) (*added March 5) I bailed on this some 5 days after I wrote it down. Basically I want to learn calligraphy. I don't know if I'll practice everyday...although to be fair, that's how you learn something.

This was good for me to do, and I think I'll try to once a month.
Review over!

Three Down, Nine to Go

Today is my first day in over a week where I've had nothing Chicago. OK, I have the songs on shuffle, weaving themselves between brain fiber, but nothing that lands me in the theater for 4-9 hours.

It's going well though. The first night was jittery for all. Second night has some gaffes but by night three, technically speaking, we were smooth sailing.

It's fascinating watching the production over and over again. I'm use to seeing a show once or feeling it from within acting many many times. Rarely am I a repeat viewer. My vantage is a little strange in that I'm perched out above the stage. I can see the tops of heads and noses. I can barely see the outstretched shins and knees of that first audience row. And I'm learning that little missteps are no big deal, and that if a light doesn't come one where you expect it, it probably has very little to do with the lighting person and more to do with a whole series of events that simply ends in the light not being as you expected.

I'm also feeling really fortunate about working this show. I'm a wee bit bored with the show and will be incredibly bored by performance 12 wraps, but I love the crew. I don't know the actors at all, but I'm coming to adore the people I'm working with behind the scenes. Bruce, the guy who taught me lights, is now more or less absent from the theater but after seeing him three days in a row (three days he wasn't suppose to be there really) Zach and I come in and, yep, there's Bruce again. And before I've even said hello he says, "Yes I'm still here. Yes I've set off the fire alarm...twice." And away he disappears. He has an air of laid back cool and the deep knowledge fitting for a man who has lived his life in a tour bus working show after show.

Every night my head is crowned with a headset. It pushes in my temples and gives me headaches but it connects me with three very cool people. One Stage Manager and two Assistant Stage Managers. The SM sits up in the booth with me and directs us all in our tasks. The ASMs each manage a wing of the stage. They make sure actors come on and off at the right times. Deal with props, lights that need to be plugged in manually, stage curtains and scrims. I just press a button and make sure the light shifts. They on the other hand are running around the entire show in various forms of pitch black. I have it easy in comparison.

And everyone is seriously cool. Normally I'm nervous around new people and am slow to warm. These people make joking easy and create a great atmosphere. The Stage Manager's fiance is there too helping Zach and she's as cool as her husband-to-be. I think Zach and I went into all of this a little daunted by the time commitment and instead have been super impressed with the people we're meeting. I know better than to count on the theater for potential friends (at least in most cases) but I'd be sad if we didn't hang out with some of these people at least a little post show.

Facebook....hmmmmm

Zach pegged it last night. He said the very purpose of Facebook is the very problem I have with it. Right now I have a defunct Myspace account and a newish Facebook account. I kept all my blogs for friends-only on Myspace and I liked that my profile was public but everything else, private. Also, I made my account unsearchable on Myspace. I used a junk mail email address. My full name wasn't listed. My Myspace account let me reconnect with more or less my peers whether they be former classmates or new friends.

I think the issue I have with Facebook is it's a larger community. People who know my parents use Facebook. Theater people galore use Facebook. If I make a comment about drinking it up and having a ball at an upcoming wedding let's say this May, people who don't know me in that context will be getting that message as well as the person I intended it for. (KARAOKE!!!!) I don't like that. It's making me guarded, and yet I think it's smart to be.

But it also annoys me. This is a side hindrance of living in the town you grew up in. You create a community across age groups. To one group it's OK to be both the together girl and the girl who totally has a hangover. But it's strange. To people who don't know the full range of you, well, I think the individual pieces of information they do come across carry more weight.

Facebook is not Myspace. It has a different goal as a site. I need to accept those new parameters for what they are and then act accordingly.

So I am going to watch it on there, and I ask you guys (the five who read this :) to please not mention this blog. Or rather it's fine to mention it (as you guys have) but please never mention it in a way that would lead someone to it. I don't really have examples of what I mean, and I think in reality I probably never needed to tell you guys this, but I think that makes sense. (Somewhere Zach is shaking his head and thinking I'm paranoid...and I am. I TOTALLY am :)

OK that's it. I'm done whispering in a low voice and checking the room for microphones. Tomorrow I'll finally get around to writing about the show. We opened Friday night, and it's been a ton of fun. Yay!

PS- I'll still probably make hangover comments on Facebook. But I'll probably make more here!!! :)

Great Balls of Fire

I designed lights in my sleep last night. My unconscious mind kept running through the show while I assessed what colors and intensity would best suit the mood. I think about it even now while editing art videos. I wish I could have actually designed this show but instead I'm caught somewhere in between not having the time or skills to design the show and some other nether region of design/board operation.

The director came here today to record some stuff with Zach and I told him I thought he might have to be really specific with the lighting guy about what he wants and expects. I think Bruce (lighting guy) is super skilled and is willing to do anything but just might need to be herded a wee bit.

After I said it all too him I'm now worried I don't have my reality exact and this will all backfire into some weird ball of conflict. Conflict, which is a thing I avoid at all possible cost.

Sometimes dealing with people is slippery. There are currents over here of actions and intentions and then over there there are other currents with other actions and intentions and you're just standing in the middle going, "Huh?"

Take That Weekend

You know what is an awesome way to spend your entire Saturday? Learning how to run a light board where some 60 faders each go to different lights in different colors and there doesn't seem to be an overall plan in their grouping and then you're suppose to combine them to create mood and then your suppose to program that little work of genius into the board and into a cue all while Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly duke it out at 16 beats a measure (and where the hell did those dancers come from and where the hell are they going oh they're gone oh next scene) and you.are.totally.fucked.

Beer anyone?

My Dad turned 60 yesterday. I made this for him (should probably give it to him but I gave him another card already made with paint.)

Finger Pops

Today was the first bike ride of the season. Nine miles in each direction. I've made it half. We'll see about making it home. I'm realizing that my body has a very specific reaction to a type of over heating. I get really angry at myself. It's happened a few times while jogging with Zach. I think it's a winter condition. We'll be going along and suddenly I find myself just angry. And it's a particular type of anger completely directed inward. I don't think I'm moving fast enough or I feel like my shins and knees are failing me. But then I take off my sweater and while yes I'm still not going fast and yes my shins still hurt, I'm not so vehement.

This happened this morning while riding. I also got a strange kick of nausea with the overheating as well. But sweater removal and some cool air in the lungs fixed it all. The body is a strange strange land.

Also in body heat science, I forget that after morning rides I spend the rest of the day cold. I'll have the heat blasting on full and yet I won't stop shivering until around 2. But that somehow makes sense. Getting really angry b/c my organs are on fire..well that makes less sense.

A Drop in the Bucket

I've been thinking a lot lately about money. When everyone looks around to see who's shifting in their seats after statistics like, "47 percent of American workers live paycheck to paycheck," I'm shifting. Somehow I didn't think the face of that statistic would look like, well, me.

For the past few years I've come to a screeching close call every paycheck. First it was part of paying off credit cards and store cards and just plain bad spending habits. (I'm looking at YOU Borders.) But then I paid off the credit card. I paid off the ill gotten store cards. And then, the biggest win of all, I got food poisoning. Three days of eating little to nothing cured me of my caffeine addiction and the $5 price tag of the lattes I so loved. It only took a month and I felt the monetary impact of those 72 hours. And for the first time last pay cycle I had a beautiful positive balance greeting me as my next pay check was deposited. Ching! I had more than enough money saved for my April vacation. Ching. And I was ahead on paying my portion of the rent. Ching! Ching!

But then something happened. One misstep on a tax form and I find myself owing a lot of money. It aligns perfectly with the semi-annual car insurance bill and the pain I've ignored for way too long in my back molar. And as I was falling asleep last night I felt the pressure again that is money. The feeling of never being able to get ahead. I had in my mind this idea of how it would be as a grown up. One of those ideas was that money would not be an issue because I'd have a grown up job. But that was as naive as thinking my man would ride up on a horse or that happily ever after wouldn't come with long awkward conversations about sex. I have a childhood filled with parental finance worries. I don't know how I ever constructed this idea of monetary bliss.

But the truth is I'm not that statistic.

One in four workers don't save anything. About a third of those that do put aside less than $100. Another third do not participate in any sort of 401k, IRA or retirement plan.

I put $200 a month into an IRA. We'll just ignore that that is losing game right now but still. That in and of itself means I'm outside of many statistics. And I don't have a mortgage. I don't have children. I am fortunate enough to be able to say I don't have credit card debt. And while today I feel like I will never gain control of my finances, I will. I need to buck it up, count myself warned and stay the hell away from Starbucks.

Roxie

This is why my parents are awesome. The pictures doesn't capture how great this 4 x 6 sign is but we, my Mom, Dad, and I, made it together. I'm working on the musical Chicago and the director randomly throws projects at me. He gave me the finished wood, a bag of lights and asked if I could make the Roxie sign. This combined my parents' skills perfectly and the three of us got it done in a couple of hours. I now love big Christmas lights...the possibilities here are endless.

3 Things

1. Puff Pastry dough is AMAZING. It might be all I cook with for a month. And no a hairdryer doesn't really help it defrost. Just wait the suggested 40 minutes.

2. And since you've got 40 minutes (Puff Pastry allocation) and are itching to understand what the hell is going on with banks right now, listen to this: Bad Banks. It's an episode of This American Life done by the guys who run the Planet Money Podcast (to which I am now a new subscriber.) It held my rapt attention on an elliptical while Growing Up Hyena played on the TV so I have to say it's pretty darn interesting. It's hard to compete with Animal Planet's Growing Up...so...yeah. Major points.

3. This is more of a goal: I will not bitch to Zach more than 2 times how much I hate my current work editing project. I will focus the wrath to 11:30am and 3pm when I'm predictably bitchy any project any day regardless. Also, with a Zen like power I will focus my work wrath into work progress and I'll get my soul back when I finish the sucker (in like August of 2011.)

The Coming Dawn

I heard a woman by the name of Jane Brody on a podcast of the Diane Rhem's show today. Her book, "Jane Brody's Guide to the Great Beyond" is about end of life care and how each of us can prepare ourselves and our loved ones. I think about this issue a fair amount. Not in the sad sense of grieving my future demise but in the practical way. It amazes me how death is such a silent force in so much of what we do, but we seal it off from our lives. Death always takes us by surprise...yet we all know it's going to happen.

Maybe that's the equation and there is no way around it. But I think in the least, we can be realistic about the complications death inevitably brings. We can prepare for some of that and hopefully lessen the burden on those we've left behind.

A few things Ms. Brody suggested:
1. A living will saying how you want to die. If you want to be resuscitated, etc.
2. Suggests letting people know about your end of life wishes. That way everyone is on the same page. This also alleviates a lot of the burden or guilt. As young people, we don't think this is necessary, but if something were to ever happen to us, we need to give our parents the same assistance of knowing our wishes as we'd want from them.
3. When discussing treatments and serious diseases take a tape recorder to doctor's appointment. At the minimum take written notes. Try and bring a loved one along just so there are two sets of ears listening. Different people will hear different things.
4. Hospice. Apparently hospices are free and a lot of the services they offer (grief counseling for example) are free. Everyone who called in couldn't say enough positive thing about hospices. I realized I know very little.
5. She said that many doctors disappear when they realize they can't do anything to save their patient. Doctors study saving lives...not death. She suggested thanking the doctor for all the work he's done and telling him that you want him there until the end.

Right now my grandfather of 85 is set for 22 days straight of radiation therapy for metastasized cancer. (That's a whole other story.) He is in the late stages of Alzheimer's and lives with his care taker far away from those that knew him in his previous life. He probably wouldn't recognize us. The last time I saw him the birthday cake we had for him really only brought fear. Did he recognize us? I don't know. But it begs the question, "What is the point in the radiation?"

In telling all of this to my mother, my Grandmother said, "Well we can't just let him die." And that's what it would feel like if we didn't go forward with treatment. It would feel like we were just letting him die. That we had abandoned him. But what if he wants to die. What if this strong man who spent his entire life bucking authority and being smarter than anyone around him, never wanted to be like this. But we don't know. We can only make guesses as well as a family can when they are huddled between forces of love and guilt and uncertainty.

* * *

My Dad's mother has this hand written on an 8 1/2 x 11 piece of printer paper and taped to a wall next to a window. Wall space is hard to find at their house as everything is covered with Bible verses, quotations and pictures of sunsets. I've always loved this particular one though:
"Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Maybe this is why I can't spell.

One of my goals (#14?) is to learn committee chairs and the cabinet. I'm starting on the cabinet. Here are the word games I've create to help me remember. Don't judge! Some are a wee bit rusty but they might work:

Yes I've heard (HRD- Hillary Rodham Clinton) that Clinton is Sec of State. Hillary Clinton. Sec of State.
He doesn't know where the money went either. Geithner. Timothy Geithner. Sec of Treasury
Stop them at the Gates. Robert Gates. Sec of Defense.
He's gonna hold'em accountable. Eric Holder. Attorney General
He's got A's inside all his consonants. Ken Salazer. Sec of Interior
A sack of potatoes. Tom Vilsack. Sec of Ag.
I have no idea. Hilda Solis. Sec of Labor.
S)ecretary) (of) H(ousing) A(and) (urban) D(evelopement), SHA...D. Shaun Donovan.
Ha-Choo! Wind turbines. Steven Chu. Sec of Energy.
He's going to Flunk'em. Duncan. Arne Duncan Sec of Education.
No idea. Eric Shinseki. Sec of Vetrans Affairs.
We don't want'em. Napolitano. (slant rhyme?) Janet Napolitano. Sec of Homeland Security.

Haha. OK, these sounded a wee bit silly when I said them to Zach. Now they sound REALLY silly.

Year28 Goals

Over the last few years I've eased out of New Years Resolutions and eased in to birthday resolutions. Here's the official/non official list for Year28.

1. Pay $1500 in school loans
2. Create at least $500 cushion in bank account
3. Attain 2 octave singing scale
4. Audition for a musical - (already did this but it was on my Year28 goal's list before I did it so I'm keeping it! Oh also, it was a disaster. But I still did it so WIN!)
5. Finish writing 1 song with accompaniment. (Guitar and piano)
6. Send 5 birthday cards- ON TIME
7. Send cards for one holiday- ON TIME
8. Pursue art/design/craft/collage: figure out specifics and how to gauge
9. Get through 5 drafts of 3 shorts total (includes at least 3 people writing comments on each draft.)
10. Learn Flash
11. Design and do photoshoot.
12. Direct music video.
13. Shoot a short
14. Write, create, shoot, edit super short stop motion
15. write, shoot, edit 1 CCP review for YouTube
16. Edit CCP vid under craftcat brand
17. Learn to cook 5 vegan entrees.
18. No bed piles
19. Learn congressional committee chairs and cabinet members
20. Take on an entrepreneurial project. (I have a super simple one in mind but not ready to go into details.)
21. Call/write my Grandmother once a month
22. Thank You cards for birthday presents
23. 200 lines of calligraphy a day (this isn't much considering a lowercase "a" has 3.) (*added March 5)