The Big News

Those of you who read this blog probably already know this information, but here it goes: I'm quitting my job.

Oh wait, that's a lie. I tried to quit, honestly I did. There was sitting down with managers and there was writing of transition plans and there was even tear shedding...but then they offered me a really great job with fewer hours. I couldn't say no. 

But still. If I let the 10 hours I'll be working for them be an excuse for not creating then I'm not cut out for creating. That said, this week I don't feel very cut out for creating. Every time I paint I find it frustrating instead of refreshing. I wonder if my creativity is running dry. I worry that I don't feel like telling stories anymore. What if my art never says anything very meaningful? What if I stop caring to say anything meaningful? What if I never get any better?

I know that right now isn't the time to be worrying about such things. After a ten hour work day where I sat down twice. After hauling garbage and cleaning up coffee sludge and keeping my shit together.  Now is most definitely not the right time to look over the abyss and see anything but the deep dark of uncertainty.

So I'll go to bed. And then wake up for another 10 hours. And work a crazy schedule this week and then begin to wind down as my final two week approaches. Maybe after 4 weeks of solid painting mornings I'll be a better judge of whether or not I see a flicker down there in that there hole.