Newsletter Anxiety

I'm slowly taking over our work newsletter. I use to run a craft/mixed media one but that is now more or less defunct. However in prep for Mom's retirement (eeek!) I've asserted myself into our main newsletter. It goes out to about 6,000 people, and even though we check the sucker 1 million times before it leaves, I still *hate* hitting the send button. I'd like to think this will eventually go away...but it's been like 8 issues now and it still is there. Vibrantly annoying.

Three Things Shower Water Sounds Like

I'm always trying to figure out tastes, but rarely am I trying to figure out sounds. Shower water against my skin sounded like:

1. A faster version of the standard car alarm off in the distance. Or maybe a siren but on fast forward just a wee bit.
2. Steaming milk for a latte.
3. Large group of water birds chirping at take off. I picture one of those National Geographic pictures of a big lagoon where a thousand birds take off and there is a frenzy of sound.

I think there must have been a squeak as the water pushed through the shower head. That's the only way I can reason 1 and 3.

Brain Mush

We made it back to my parents' driveway by 3am this morning. I suggested Z sleep in. The allure of coffee got me up at 8. This was a mistake. I'm making arm/hand coordination problems on my computer. (THE COMPUTER!) Also that coffee? Awful. And I'm going to drink it anyway.

So hello! It's always strange how when you're gone for a few days it can feel like months. I look at everything in my parents' refrigerator and just assume it's been bad for weeks. No, Kelly, you were just here on Wednesday. Calm down.

There isn't a ton to say about SanFran. Or maybe there is. I wasn't excited for the 2 Week Stay (next week) for about 30 minutes while Z and I sat in the crowded CA terminal. But then a few hours later as we whizzed down the I-5 I was again ignited with how cool this opportunity is. We saw my cousin's apt and it's seriously awesome and in a seriously awesome neighborhood. There are two Noah's Bagels AND two papyrus card shops, both within walking distance. There is a PaperSource nearby. And an independent movie theater. Seriously? I know it's just what I love about Portland neighborhoods, but I don't live in Portland. This is a serious treat for me!

Also my cousin's cats are hilarious. One should be a persnickety cartoon in a children's book. She'd be drawn as a pair of eyes following you back and forth but her body would be invisible. Just these eyes and maybe a tail coming out of a rundown chair.

Hello From San Fran

Z and I are down here for my cousin J (girl)'s wedding. I can't tell if I'm exhausted this morning from all the walking yesterday in bad shoes or because we got up at 4:40 yesterday morning to catch our flight. Either way I'm slow to wake up but will be totally excited for the free roof garden walking tour Z found for us at 10.

(There is a language outside my door I've never heard before. If I wasn't half dressed I'd rush out and investigate. Cool!)

When traveling I face two main inner obstacles: general travel exhaustion and laziness. I'm never quite sure where my decision making falls on that line. One thing I love about Z is that he's just ready for anything when traveling. I tire out a little more quickly and for example while I think it's good I slept in this morning, he's off trying to find delicious bread for us...and I kind of wish I was part of the adventure.

Add family and my laziness (mixed with a nice blend of family aversion) goes waaaay up. Last night after first open wine drinking (I did not drink) and trekking through the city for my parents' first try at Indian food, I just wanted to come home and curl up in an isolation holding cell. Today I have to make it through a wedding and a reception, which other than the family dynamics, I'm reeeeally excited for.

But maybe here's the lesson: tomorrow I'll get up early and tag along on whatever adventure Z is inclined to take.

Goal Review (7 months!)

Holy mother of something. I'm on month 7. I'm practically through month 8! No more caffeine today, OK?

Here we go!

1. Pay $1500 in school loans-
Sept- Still on schedule...yet behind on wedding savings. Oh yay! Something new to try and save for! (No more BUYING caffeine in $5 cups of awesome! Except for tomorrow morning when you're getting to a max airport station at 5:45 AM <---really AM!) 2. Create at least $500 cushion in bank account
Sept- I read somewhere that using your credit card is safer from an identity theft standpoint. That said, it is LESS SAFE from a I-spend-way-too-much and (breath) a credit-card-makes-me-feel-invincible.
Aug- I am not on schedule but I'm now putting at least $200 away into a savings account. It's safer that way. I have access when I need it but I won't get week in a Michaels and lose the cushion.

Me Again

We're reading a guide to email marketing for the holiday season. We're having a big Christmas marketing meeting tomorrow (which I dread btw...these things are killer.) This booklet originally really excited me. Yay! Finally a researched guide! Perfect! But then when it has headers, which I'm assuming are suggestions, like "Target High-Volume Shopping Days" I begin to wonder. Because the information after such a headline isn't based on "these companies targeted these days and saw greater return." Instead it's, "Here's the number of retailers sending emails this particular day so you should do it too."

And that's it. It's stats on what other people did but not the outcomes of what they did. This is a trap I see people fall into all the time for all sorts of things but I see it most significantly in web 2.0 marketing. Other people are doing it may mean it's working, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's working.

*sigh.

Things Learned While Camping

(Not necessarily in order of importance)

1. I should wash everything when I get home. The nose acclimates to the smell of campfire, and campfire on clothing reeks. It's not woody elm smell. It's like you and 14 other smokers shared a bunker for the weekend.

2. I don't like Coors lite.

3. As much as you like the idea of powdered soy milk, it is actually going to be as bad as Zach tells you it is.

4. I don't like peeing in the woods. This may be in the TMI category, but I love being removed from people. I love waking up absurdly early due to sunlight and going to bed absurdly early due to sun set. I love so many things about trees and lakes. However, something in my body turns off when I know I have to go wander into the woods to use a bathroom. Fluids come in but they don't come out. Yep, I'm telling you more than you needed to know about my body. But seriously. It goes into lock down mode. Give me a pit toilet.

5. Water filtering things are cool!

6. Not having to worry about poison oak and mosquitoes makes any trip awesome. We totally hacked our way partially around a lake and besides almost biting it a couple times, I loved hacking through without abandon. Yay!

7. I'm self conscious about my greasy hair only the first day. Day two sans shower I don't care.

8. Holding weight on your back is easier when there is nothing in your hands.

9. The forest is not the type of place I like to take pictures. It isn't super conducive to macro photography.

10. I have nightmares even in the forest.

Update: Update: US Government has terminated it's contract with the Rendon Group.

Title says it all.

This isn't 2005, right?

It's always strange for me to hear government officials saying things and doing things I only assumed they said and did under Bush. On "On The Media" a few weeks ago (I'm listening to podcasts at work right now) they were talking about how the military has hired a firm, the Rendon Group, to grade individual reporters in war zones. They give them a positive, neutral or negative rating based on how favorably they've reported the war. This is happening now. In 2008. One reporter wasn't allowed to embed back in and his report said, "“Despite the opportunity to visit areas of the city where Iraqi Army leaders, soldiers, national police and Iraqi police displayed commitment to partnership, Mr. Druzin refused to highlight any of this news.” Maybe he also killed kittens. They didn't mention that.

And then to have the spokesperson for the U.S. forces in Afghanistan Lieutenant Commander Christine Sidenstricker say,"We've never graded reporters, and the information we get from Rendon doesn't do so. The information we were contracted with them to provide is basic biographical details and the past stories reporters have done. Now, sometimes those do include a positive, negative or neutral rating, which we do get. Frankly, we don't use that information."

Well, yeah.

(Sources: On the Media Aug 28, 2009)

He's Fine.

I began thinking about my vows on the bike ride in this morning. One of the things I hope to do for Zach is to be healthy. I promise him that I will take care of myself physically and mentally so that I can be around as long as possible for and with him. This idea isn't a new one to me, but this morning it had particular importance because this morning at 7:30 I got a call from my Mom saying that while everything was fine, Dad was in the hospital.

Dad threw out his back two weekends ago. Then Saturday he did it again. Just by bending over. Nothing more. And this is the insidious thing about a pulled back. So Mom plopped him down in the guest room with a book and a remote control.

This morning Dad tried to get up for his usual routine and around 6:30 I guess he told Mom that he was blacking out. She said he was holding his chest and his eyes were rolling up back in his head. She called an ambulance and when I got the 7:30 call, she was at the hospital. I guess he's in serious pain but can still crack totally stupid jokes. (Ah Dad.)

After she got home around 9am, the hospital called and said they want to keep him for 24 hours to watch his heart. It wasn't a heart attack as far as I know (it was probably severe pain and dehydration) but I guess it's always a little irregular and since he's there, they want to keep an eye on him.

So what does this have to do with health? My dad isn't healthy. Genetics (and testosterone) have been good to him and only in the last 5-7 years has he really had to watch his weight. He doesn't understand the real reason to eat a vegetable. (Even I'm fairly new to this form of thinking.) Health doesn't actually have anything to do with size. Health has to do with health. Sometimes size may make a comment about health, but health is still it's own thing. You can be skinny and still unhealthy.

Dad is no longer skinny, but he's not as heavy as he should be for how he treats his body. He's hard on it. He physically works like a mad man for 8 hour days during the weekends, but then sits at a computer the rest of the week. He eats peanut butter and tater tots for meals. He drinks just a little too much beer.

I love peanut butter and beer. But unlike my Dad I'm not going to fight my partner when they suggest I eat a green bean. Marriage is about commitments, and one of them is the physical. We get so wrapped up in the vanity of our bodies. "I hope I don't grow fat so that you still find me desirable" or some other crap. It should be, "I promise to try and eat real meals with real nutrients so we have the best odds possible at longevity."

Health is hard. It's really fucking hard. But work on it not to fit some ideal, but because you owe it to your friends and family. I owe it to my friends and family. Who knows if this is a wake up call for Dad. However, it may be part of my wake up call.

Lessons of the Week (and it's only Tuesday)

Lessons of the week:
1. When I tell Z an idea and he makes a comment like, "You need to figure out how to store it before you start or you'll end up having them everywhere," I need to tell him I agree instead of laugh. For me a single (or triple) chuckled is the outside version of the inside, "Oh shit he's totally right." But it comes off as me dismissing the feedback. It leads to fighting.

2. When I work on projects whether they be email newsletters for work or tiny trailers for local theater groups, I need to be thorough and focused on whatever it is I'm working on. I don't need to finish the whole thing at the first sitting, but I need to finish whatever aspect it is I've started. When I do something half way and then walk away with the idea of returning to it later, well, it's a recipe for disaster.

Instead have an overall plan and then do small chunks completely. If that's the newsletter it means I write an article and make sure I've checked grammar and name spellings and links to the best of my ability before I send it on.

For tiny trailers, it means if I'm doing 3 versions, I take one version at a time and follow the storyboard they've drawn and then make that the best it can be before I call it quits for the night. If I throw the clips together but then don't finesse it a bit, I will just be embarrassed about my work later. Or, in terms of the newsletter, I will have to revisit small changes a million times in the back and forth of suggestions from my co-workers as they catch my careless mistakes.

3. Finish side projects for third parties (especially ones with deadlines) before making up work hours. You (me) will feel less guilty overall.